It Only Lasts So Long
by Lucky's Girl
Summary: In the midst of crisis and surrounded by unseen enemies, sometimes it is those closest to you who can hurt you the most. A short one shot focused on the ending scene with Sarah in Season 4 Episode 5.


Author's Note\- A short one shot focused on the ending scene with Sarah in Season 4 Episode 5. The scene with Felix bringing Adele over to their safety hideout was so emotional I had to write this one shot when Sarah was being so vulnerable! I've never written for Orphan Black but I love the show and couldn't find any one-shots like this! Plus they haven't addressed anything between them yet since episode 5. So here it is. Thanks!

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Sarah ran her fingers through her sleeping daughter's hair. She'd fallen asleep what felt like forever ago. But even after she heard Siobhan letting Felix and his guest out, Sarah couldn't stop her mind long enough to sleep. Or maybe her body was just used to not sleeping now. That was probably the answer Sarah wanted to use, but she knew it wasn't the truth.

The test came back. Scott wasn't wrong. She was Fee's biological sister.

Sarah had been so focused on how Adele had conned her way in. How Felix had betrayed her and put Kira in harms way by bringing Adele to their safe house. The coincidence was just too real, and if you couldn't monitor them anymore then why wouldn't they try to attach a monitor to Felix? When he was a clear link between them all. A mole for information, to find Kira, to find Kendall's location.

It would have been easier that way. Fee would have been upset, but he'd get over it. He'd realize what happened. How stupid he'd been acting. That he was as much apart of this as Sarah or S was.

Somehow... it didn't go that way. Instead this sister was real. Fee could 'feel' it. Now their little connections with the booze, the partying, all the cutsie we found each other **garbage** , how much they loved each other after knowing each other all of _five_ minutes, having to stomach her playing with Kira… now it had to be real.

It had to be real that when she needed Fee the most, when she just needed her brother, who she'd always been able to go to without judgement. Who went along with whatever she'd schemed up when she blew into town. Who had never given up on flakey Sarah. When she... she had this thing in her mouth. When she needed someone she could afford to not be tough with. When it was all collapsing in on her, when she couldn't escape it... Felix was too busy with this other sister.

The one he'd sought out. He went looking for this. Why? Was their make shift family suddenly not good enough? Or were they just too much of freaks even for Felix now. He'd made it clear hadn't he?

Nothing was ever easy with her. Clones, secret organizations, monitors, hiding Kendell, the bot in her mouth. She didn't fucking _ask_ for any of this. She didn't ask for it to all be so real. Sarah didn't ask to be connected to Siobhan or her mother, or any of this bullshit!

So fuck Felix and his bullshit new sister. Yeah, maybe Sarah wasn't always the most selfless sister, but she didn't ask to bring all this hell down on them.

She never once acted like Felix was less of their family, she didn't give a shite about S's mother, about their original genetic whatever. He wasn't feeling ostracized. That was crap. Felix just didn't want to deal with the world they'd been mixed up in now. He wanted her gone, to leave him to it with that southern bimbo. Without any guilt or pressure for him.

Him and his 'real' sister could get on with it then. Sarah was **real** , she was more real than that bloody bimbo. That was for sure.

Kira suddenly groaned in her sleep and it pulled her back. Sarah blinked back wet eyes and looked down at her. At the girl that was growing up so damn fast, who couldn't have even one whole day with her Mum without something going to shite. Sarah had tried so hard too.

She wrapped her arm around Kira, careful so she didn't wake her. Kira shifted in her sleep and wrapped one of her arms across Sarah's waist. Sarah smiled softly as her little monkey fell back into a deeper sleep.

Sarah didn't need him. She didn't need an excuse to be weak around someone. Sarah just needed to focus on being strong for Kira. To find some way to get them a peaceful life, she had to fight to stay here with her daughter. Nothing else mattered.


End file.
